What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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