Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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