if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
