Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
