i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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