Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This toilet bowl is my home.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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