ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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