He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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