Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to calm my uterus...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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