Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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