Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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