that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
