I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
