why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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