Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.