Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?