I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.