"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
