dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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