Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
