I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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