STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
