I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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