If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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