There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
