You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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