The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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