idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
