Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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