She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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