He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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