just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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