Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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