Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
