I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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