Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize