covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
