omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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