he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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