i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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