Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
