the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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