I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
