Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
