I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
