Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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