my phone needs a breathalizer
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
