piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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