i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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