Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
