k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
