discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
