i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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