Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
