Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
