at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I enjoy the company of your penis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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