The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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