No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
