haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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