So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
