you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
