Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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