Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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