i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
