I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
