chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Text me some of your sweat
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