im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
